Chris,

 I very well remember the conversations we had regarding your “other” part of the family.  It thus, very much comes as a surprise to me that you say “you never felt fundamentally good, or right, about losing touch with them”.  Every time we asked you whether you ever thought or wondered about them, or whether you ever had any interest in contacting them, you always emphatically said that you did not.  Even as recently as Easter, when after you and dad took a drive through the old neighborhood, I asked  you whether you had any interest in seeing  your other family, you once again said “absolutely not”.  So either you were lying to us all along, or your lying to us now.  It seems rather coincidental that you  contacted them after all this time which also happens to  coincide with our disagreeing with your choice of a girlfriend.  It seems that when the going was rough with Frances you decided to live with us, and now that we are not supporting you with your choice of a girlfriend, you chose to make contact with Frances, so that you have a soft place to fall on, or to get even with us.  I  remember how we suggested to you when you moved in with us that you have the same arrangement with Frances as you did with your dad in terms of visitation, and you were adament (sic) about not seeing her.  You bashed her and the rest of the family and told us that you did not wish to ever go back or see her.  You had no kind words about your”other “ family whatsoever, and so I find it rather surprising to hear that you missed them all this time. We never ever stopped you from contacting her, and you had plenty of  opportunities to do so . After all, you have been living on your own for quite a few years. So your timing seems rather interesting.   All that being said, under normal circumstances it would be perfectly normal for you to want to re-establish a contact with them.  

However, remembering all the things you said about Frances, the fact that you saw her in front of the mirror slapping herself in the face, her dropping you off at your grandmother’s and often not picking you up until 10:00 o’clock at night, not getting dinner at regular hours, not getting up to fix you a breakfast, letting the toilet overflow and covering it up with newspapers for weeks, the dead mice lying around without cleaning it up, the cereal boxes stacked up in the kitchen to the ceiling, your being quieted by buying you more toys and keeping you cooped up in your room without providing you with friends of your own age to play with, seeing her walking around naked, seeing a black friend of her naked on the couch, telling you all sort of lies about your dad and me (whom she had never met) , lying in bed all day and you having to bring her her books so she would study for exams,she taught you how to lie, by telling you that any time we ask anything about you , you should just say, I don’t recollect, etc., etc. makes it incomprehensible to me why you feel so warm and fuzzy or even have the urge to reconnect.  You always told us how you just wanted the opportunity to lash out at her and just tell her all the problems she has caused you and now you tell us how much you missed her and how happy you were to hear that she loved and missed you so much.  So, Chris, tell me where has she been these last 24 years?  She knew where you lived at least until the age of 18, and I also remember telling her that you were attending Bates , the one and only time she called.  How is it that she made no real effort to stay in touch when she supposedly loved you so much?  You were a child then, and even though you may have told her that you wanted no part of her, as a mother, I would have send you at minimum a letter every week, care packages and saved up money for college.  I also would have apologized for not having been there for you, which according to you never occurred.